Day 29: Confessions of a Non-Smoker

On Saturday, my husband and I went to a surprise birthday party for my cousin, who just turned 30. The party was down in Virginia, so we piled in the car and headed south for the night. Usually long drives was where I'd smoke cigarettes with total recklessness, inhaling at least 8 cigarettes over a 3 hour period. But this trip was the first time I refrained from reaching for a cigarette out of habit in a usually smoke-filled environment.

Later in the evening, after discussing my quit with a few people, I decided to test my progress in a most dangerous way - by having two drags from a cigarette my husband bummed from a waitress. (As an aside, my husband quit several months ago, but indulges in the rare cigarette.) I'm a bit ashamed of myself for doing it. But rather than taking the cigarette and running for the hills to enjoy the entire thing in solitude, I gathered my courage and looked at it as a learning experience.

Drag number one reminded me why I smoked - I got that lightheaded, giddy feeling and felt myself relax in the familiarity of the habit. Drag number two reminded me why I quit - the smell that surrounded me like a cloud, my lungs screaming "Abuse!!", and the taste in my mouth that nothing short of a shot of Jameson's Irish Whiskey could alleviate. The cigarette was promptly discarded.

Well, I indulged in the shot of Jameson's, and toasted my cousin's birthday and myself - for remembering all the reasons I quit in the first place. Since Saturday, the urge to smoke has retreated to a far corner of my subconscious. And I'm feeling a little more like a superhero since I faced my fear and conquered.

Day 26: Milestone

Well, I've begun Step Two in my Three-Step Patch. I'm now getting 14 mg rather than 21 mg per day. I was a little apprehensive about the step-down - it was like riding with training wheels for the first time. You're still terrified of falling over!

Plus the Step Two patch is half the size of Step One, so it plays on your subconscious a little. It's a reminder that I am progressing, and I am thinking about smoking less often. Not sure if I'll ever completely lose that feeling of wanting a cigarette, but for now it seems to be tamed.

Day 19: Show Me The Money!

And now to a topic frequently discussed by people who quit smoking - the expense! Moolah, greenbacks, cash, scratch, simoleons - call it what you like, but money can be a huge motivator in quitting. In today's sad economy, every penny counts. Whether you're saving for a house, a vacation, or just a night out, quitting smoking can help you get there faster than you think.

On average, a pack of cigarettes where I live is about six bucks. I would normally go through a pack every day, maybe a day and a half. But once you factor in the weekends, when I would inevitable smoke more, we're talking about eight, sometimes nine packs per week.

Basic math:
$6 per pack x 8 packs per week = $48 per week.
$48 per week x 52 weeks in a year = $2,496 per year.

Wait - what?? That's one hell of a lot of money!!! Especially for me - I work in the non-profit sector, and the pay isn't fantastic - it's just livable. We're talking about 5% of my yearly income - that's a staggering amount of money to spend with nothing to show for it. It's not a house, a car, clothing, or food. I could go Jamaica for that amount, or pay off some debt, or save for a house!

Having that extra $200 per month is like getting a bonus for being healthier. Drinks are on me!

Day 17: My Quit List

In my various web browsing sessions and research, I'm noticing a lot of folks trying to quit smoking are making a 'Quit List' - a list of reasons to quit smoking, serving as a reminder of why you quit in the first place, and is supposed to help you overcome the urge to smoke. I never really thought about the reasons I quit, other than to stop a bad habit. So now, I present to you, my own personal 'Quit List.'

I want to quit smoking because:

1. I'm tired of spending the money on cigarettes - gum is cheaper.
2. I don't want to smell like a dirty ashtray anymore.
3. I miss the way my kitchen smells when I'm cooking dinner.
4. I like being able to enjoy my husbands cologne.
5. I'm tired of being the outsider - literally - when I go out to bars and restaurants.
6. I want to stop getting sick - sore throats and coughs SUCK as a smoker.
7. I'd prefer to live a longer life, not a shorter one.
8. I don't like living with a perpetual cough.
9. I want to be free from worrying whether or not my sidekick cigarettes are with me and OH MY GOD do I have a lighter??
10. I'd prefer my skin not to have a ruddy complexion - I got called 'pizza face' enough when I was younger.
11. If I spend money on scented shampoo and perfume, I want to enjoy it, not mask it with nicotine.
12. I hate having to dust every other day because there are ashes everywhere.

The more I think about it, the longer the list could be. The point is - I will be healthier and live longer. And that's friggin' SWEET!

Day 16: Don't Have a Cow!

Despite a busy and somewhat stressful weekend, I've persevered! Smoke-free for 15 days and counting. The urges are getting less frequent, but what really triggers them is STRESS! Issues at work, problems at home, someone cuts me off driving down the street - these all lead to me searching in vain for my non-existent pack of cigarettes.

Today was the killer - I was hit over the head with a mountain of extra work, foisted on to me by people who don't have the first clue about what is actually involved. My career is another story altogether - I'll just say that it's a complete cluster-f$%& and leave it at that.

I was hostile, belligerent, and most of all, having the worst nicotine fit I've encountered. I was inches from lighting a cigarette. My progress up to this point has been so good, and I felt awful that I might destroy all the work I've done up to this point. Honestly - that was barely enough to make me back down.

It comes down to this - I need to find a better way to manage my stress.

Day 11: Exposure

Today I stood outside with my smoker friend while she had a cigarette. Yes, perhaps subconsciously I wanted the second-hand smoke, but really I wanted to see how hard it would be to resist the urge. Initially I wanted to snatch the cigarette out of her mouth and inhale the entire cigarette in one long drag. Then I smelled it, and the smell was enough to eliminate my craving.

I'm still getting over the worst head cold ever, and being sick has relieved some of my quitting anxiety. Now I'm focused on getting better, rather than not smoking. I hope the anxiety isn't too bad once I feel better.

I did the easy part, which was putting down the cigarettes. The hard part is not wanting one now that I've stopped. For those of you familiar with The West Wing, I liken the situation to when CJ Cregg bet Josh Lyman that he couldn't lay off junk food for a week because she wanted to see him 'live past the age of 12.' Josh was confronted by brownies, donuts, and pizza in the course of that first day. Well Josh - I feel your pain. Unfortunately, I can't send my cigarettes to the president of Turkmenistan.

Day 9: A Day Without the Patch

I was wigging out at work yesterday without the patch. Just one day without the magical sticker made me realize exactly what purpose it served - giving me the ability to not rip off the eyebrows of my co-workers one hair at a time, then dump their eyebrow-less bodies in a vat of chemicals.

I made it through a day without smoking or the patch, and it wasn't so bad. But it made me realize that the decision to quit smoking wasn't that simple, like deciding to take vitamins in the morning. It's a total lifestyle change, and quitting opens up all this extra time. Here's how: I smoked anywhere from 10-15 cigarettes a day, and on weekends it was a pack a day. I averaged around 17 cigarettes per day. A cigarette lasts anywhere from 5-10 minutes.  So 18 cigarettes per day times 7 minutes per cigarette works out to 2 hours per day I would spend smoking. Monday through Friday, most of my nicotine intake would be during working hours, and would require me to walk away from my desk to inhale. On weekends I would often sit with my cigarette and watch the news, or a movie. That's a lot of time during the course of the week (14 hours) where I'm smoking, and not doing much else.

Now that I've quit, and my downtime is consumed with keeping busy so I won't want to smoke, I'm finding myself getting more accomplished each day. Where there used to be cigarettes scattered throughout my day, now there are little bits of free time - these translate into a shorter to-do list.

It's amazing to discover what you gain from quitting, which is much more than just healthier lungs.

Day 8: Shaken, Not Stirred

Well, this weekend I was able to imbibe without my favorite drinking buddy - nicotine. Honestly, that was probably the hardest part of this quitting process. For me, smoking while having a drink was a habit, a force of nature. No way did one exist without the other. The perfect counterpart to a glass of champagne on a Friday was a cigarette. And now the champagne stands alone. The cigarette is gone, but not forgotten.

I cant say what kind of effect this has had on my sleeping yet - I'm still fighting the same cold I got last week. I will say this - DON'T sleep with the patch on. I read on the label that it can cause really vivid dreams. No joke - I had a dream I was trapped inside 30th Street Station. Not only did I sleep poorly, I woke up completely disoriented.

Mainly, my weekend consisted of reminding myself constantly that I didn't really want to smoke. Even stopping at 7-11 to buy a Red Bull felt awkward, since I didn't ask for 'Marlboro Menthol Lights Please.' I've said that phrase so many times it became one word - Marlboromenthollightsplease.

Of course, a successful weekend doesn't come without its little payback. I was so tired when I woke up this morning, I didn't pay as close attention to my morning routine as I should have. I left the house without the patch. So far so good, but I make no guarantees that I wont inflict injury on anyone.

Day 4: You Must Control Your Temper!

Today my temper is like a runaway train. Usually I am pretty mild-mannered, but it's next to impossible to keep my mouth shut today. Not quite sure how to control it, other than to staple my co-workers to the wall by their tounges.

I wanted a cigarette so bad, and no amount of gum or straws helped. It's day 4, and I havent had a single cigarette yet. I gave what was left of my pack away when temptation hit hard. I dont know why I hung on to it, but today I bid it farewell in an effort to keep my 4 day streak alive.

Day 3: The Sweet Smell of Progress

Today I experienced what a smoker smells like to an (almost) non-smoker. I discovered that the cigarette smell lingers, and is awful. Discovering that I smelled like that for the last 12 years was a cruel wake-up that simply drove home one of the reasons why I'm doing this.

Over the past two nights, I've eaten usual things for dinner. Foods smell much more appetizing now than they did when I ate them last. I could actually smell the spices in the Bertolli dinner, and the taste was more robust. Shocking! I wonder what else I'll eat that will smell much better to me.

The hardest time of the day seems to be from 3pm to 8 pm. That's when I seem to have a real nicotine fit. So I rub my patch like a Buddha belly and shove three pieces of gum in my mouth. I'm trying to keep my temper under control, but it's much harder during this time period.

Speaking of gum, I've discovered that the flavors are rather limiting: minty, fruity, or cinnamon (which I happen to be allergic to) so my options are either minty or fruity. I'm wondering if I can find any chocolate flavored gum. (Wrigley's? Trident? Call me.) I dont want to resort to eating chocolate to satisfy my sweet cravings - gaining weight is a side effect I want to avoid at all costs.

Chewing on those little stirrer straws at my desk helps when I dont want to chew gum. I'm trying to find something that will help me get through work meetings, since chewing gum or a straw isn't the best visual for my bosses.

I've managed to stay cigarette free for almost 3 whole days. I will admit, I've had a virus since Monday morning (Day 1) - being sick has made the early stages of quitting easier. My throat was so sore that the thought of a cigarette sent pain right to my throat.

Everyone has been really supportive, and that is the biggest help of all.

Day 1: Holy Cigarette Butts Batman!

My last cigarette was at 10:00 pm last night. I woke up this morning, looked forlornly at my pack of trusty Marlboro Menthol Lights, and slapped on the patch. There's no way I'm letting these little rolled pieces of paper, fiber, and nicotine rule my world. So here's my story. Hopefully I end up being victorious, but at this point I just want to make it through the day. I'll keep track of my slip-ups, milestones, and tips offered to me along the way with feedback on how helpful (or not) they were.

No one ever said quitting was easy, and they are 100% correct. There are so many methods out there to help people, but I went with the standard 3 step nicotine patch and a healthy supply of gum.

I made it through my morning commute without a cigarette, and was impressed. Having a cigarette while I drive was the norm, and without it I felt like something was missing. I had to keep reminding myself during the 2 mile commute not to light up. I even reached for my pack without thinking. I'm guessing that the patch was helping with my craving, and the willpower I had did the rest. I made it all the way to lunchtime without really giving it a thought, but the moment I stepped outside and smelled the intoxicating aroma of burning nicotine, I was dying to light up like everyone else.

They tell you not to smoke while wearing the patch, and I am an avid follower of directions. Of course, I could always rip the damn thing off and light up like the 4th of July, but that defeats the purpose of putting it on in the first place. I didn't spend the money on the patch to wear it for an hour and then cave like the Carolina Panthers on a Sunday.

I've told my family and fellow smoking co-workers that I'm quitting. Having other people to help me will be important in the coming days, since that seems to be the most likely time for me to fall off the wagon.

I plan to get really familiar with the gum section of my local Walgreens, and look into healthy snacking alternatives. The last thing I want is to successfully quit smoking and then gain fifteen pounds.

Tips Offered:
1. Drink through a straw to help satisfy the oral fixation of smoking.